I recently had a conversation with a friend about rediscovering yourself after your children have reached a certain age. The day I found out I was pregnant, my life began to change. After I had my daughter my whole world became about her. Every decision I’ve made and still make is with her in mind. But she’s getting older now, and in just 2 years she’ll be graduating high school and preparing to go off to college. The days of me deciding things for her and controlling her movements will be virtually over (I’ll still offer my opinion here and there of course). She’ll become an independent young woman with her own dreams and aspirations that she’ll be working toward, with little input needed from me.
So where will that leave me? That is the million dollar question that I’ve been pondering lately. I’ve been a single parent for so long that I’ve nearly lost sight of me as an individual. What makes me happy? What are my goals? Where do I see myself in five years? 10 years? What can I start doing now that would make the transition from full-time parenting to empty-nester easier?
I’ve gone through a lot of emotions since I’ve started exploring the answers to these questions. I’ve also had quite a few moments of enlightenment. At first, the thought of being an empty-nester was a bit jarring because it meant that I’d be alone, and I wasn’t quite sure how to handle that. But being alone doesn’t mean being lonely. There are so many projects I plan on completing, a few things I’d like to start, and some traveling I plan to do. Everyone who knows me knows that when it comes to traveling, I’ve always been the type of person that will just pick up and go anywhere I want alone or accompanied, so that part of being an empty-nester I’ll definitely enjoy.
I’ve also given a lot thought to where I’d like to spend the next chapter of my life. The question that’s been burning in my soul for the past few years has been whether I should stay in my hometown, or pick up and move to another state; make a fresh start. In my recent travels, the one place that has stood out to me the most – the place that calls to me – where I feel most at home when there is California. The beauty of the coastline beaches, the endless amount of things to do and see/be apart of, and the vibe of the people are just some of the things that drew me in. I’ve recently been trying to persuade my daughter to look more closely at colleges there than any other place. I even took her out there for a visit in June with the hopes that she would love it just as much as I do. Her reaction was mixed; excited about the possibilities California holds for her, but hesitant because a big move like this would mean little to no physical access to her grandparents, aunts, and friends. Sure she could fly back on occasion to see them, but the visits would be few and far between. I hope she will choose to make this move with me, but I have to be emotionally prepared in case she chooses to not to. Either way, she knows that there will always be a place for her where ever I am.
What will I do once I get to California? That is a question best answered after I get there. I definitely plan to get back into writing more. There are a few projects I’d like to finish, and some collaborations I’d like to get a jump on. I’m sure I’ll expand my blogs (thinking of podcasting). I’d like to find or put together a gospel group and start singing/traveling again. I’ll definitely spend more time with the family I have out there. And who knows what else – the possibilities are endless! I plan to keep myself open and ready for whatever God has in store for me and enjoy the journey!
Romelle J. 